Coming Out: Morgan-La-Fey

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Coming out was one of those things that sort of came naturally for me, mainly because I never really thought about it. Since I was a small child, my mom had always said things like "when you grow up and have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend", so it never struck me as a bad or unnatural thing to like anybody (or not like them) simply because of what gender they happened to be. So I guess the base was there all along, but truly, I didn't think about it much until right around the time I started grade 11.

I first realized that I liked girls as more than simply friends because of a dream that I had. Not a particularly naughty dream or anything like that. I simply kissed my friend Kelci. It all seemed perfectly natural, and when I woke up I remember thinking "oh, so I guess I'm Bi then." I didn't tell anybody, however. Not out of any fear, but just because it didn't seem like a big deal. Most of my friends, both male and female, where bisexual; it wasn't something that anybody really bothered to talk about a great deal. Aside from the fact that I now had more options for mates, I didn't think about it very much either.

That is, until my best friend came out to me.

I had of course had my suspicions about her for quite a while. When you are that close to anybody, you can't help but notice certain things about them. So when she told me that she was a lesbian, it was one of those moments where you just want to say "of course you are honey, I've known that for months."

It took me a little longer to realize that she liked me though.

It was mostly subtle flirting at first. It could have been passed off as us being best friends. But I started to think that perhaps there was more going on. To this day she says that she didn't realize she was flirting, which is so typical of her, and so adorably perfect. But anyways, a little while after she came out to me, we were sitting on the floor at a friends house, playing with the puppy. She was sitting on the ground, and I was sitting on her lap with my arm around her shoulders. Our friend just looked at us, got this funny look in her eyes, and asked if we would ever consider dating each other. We both just sort of shrugged, I think we panicked (I know I did). But a few days later we were talking to one another online, and she asked me if would consider it. I said I would love to.

Telling my mother was easy. I ran downstairs right at that moment and said to her "I'm Bi, and Britt just asked me out. I said yes." She was about as surprised as you would be if I told you snow is cold and wet. Apparently she had seen it coming for a long time, and just hadn't thought to tell me about it. She actually likes it better when I have relationships with girls, because she says she doesn't worry about me getting into as much trouble.

It was a little harder to tell my dad. He doesn't live with me, and I didn't know what his views where on being not-straight, because we had never talked about it. It took me three months to get up the nerve. Eventually I just blurted it out in the car one day: "Dad, Britt and I are going out!" He didn't get it. He said "that's nice, where are you going?" And I had to explain that, no, I meant we where a couple. He was very quiet for the rest of the drive, but he has warmed up to the idea now. Whenever he sees anything rainbow coloured, he picks it up for me. It's really quite sweet.

And of course all of my friends were fine with it. It was funny, because I hadn't told most of them that I was Bi until I told them that Britt and I where dating. Most weren't surprised in the slightest. Apparently I was rather obvious to everybody but myself.

There was quite a while after that when I thought I was a lesbian. And then I ended up dating a male friend of mine, and decided that maybe I was Bi instead. It sounds funny, but I was actually more nervous to tell my friends that I liked a boy than I was to tell them I liked girls. I thought that they liked me because I was so flamboyant. As it turns out, I'm flamboyant even if I'm not entirely gay, and they love me no matter what. And of course I have flip-flopped many times since then. I'm still attracted to guys, but in a more mental than physical way. I don't think I will ever have a serious heterosexual relationship. When I think of settling down with somebody, they are always female.

To this day, my relationship with Britt is the best (and longest) one I have had. When we broke up we went back to being best friends, so I have no complaints. Everything comes full circle in the end I suppose. I still struggle from time to time with trying to figure out if I am Bi, or just plain a Lesbian, but I try not to worry about it too much. Whenever anybody asks me about my sexuality, I simply say that I like people for who they are, not for what type of genitalia they have. Maybe one day I will know for sure. Or maybe I won't.

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