What If? - Melancholika

She lays on the bed on the floor. It's a sleep over, only we are awake. Not a sound can be heard, only the sounds of the creatures of the night. Everyone in the house is deeply asleep. She, with her gorgeous light brown hair and those fiery eyes that stand out so perfectly against her pale skin gazes at me. Only to feel her look upon me gives me warmth. I climb down from my bed, and go sit beside her. She's sitting with her legs crossed, like she did the last time we were together alone in the gym. She's talking to me about the strange books I read. I'm trying my hardest, I swear, to follow the conversation...but that wonderful smell of hers deviates my attention. All the lights are turned off, but I can see her like we were in broad daylight...such is the effect the light of the moon has on her skin. I say something that makes her laugh, and suddenly she leans forward...my heart skips a beat. She holds my cheek. To feel the touch of her strong but delicate, silky hands brings everlasting serenity to my soul.

A thousand thoughts invade my mind. A thousand wishes are made in one single breath. What does it mean? Why do you make me go through this? From the deepest end of me I wish I could believe that you loved me. From the bottom of my heart I wish I could believe touching my cheek meant more than just a simple friendly gesture to you. I am silently screaming, tearing myself apart inside. I hate it when you touch me, I love it when you touch me. I wish that you would dissapear from the face of the earth, that you never existed. But I wish you would never stop, I wish that you'd never take your hand away. The internal argument ceases. My goddess smiles at me. That perfect smile, that pure smile. No, don't smile at me...don't look at me like that. Help me, Prudence. Help me, powerful Widsom, I beg you for help.

You remove your hand from my cheek. Oh, why not longer? I want to feel your touch again. I need to feel your touch again...

In reality, she had only touched me for five mere seconds or so, but to me, time had come to a stop. That had not happened in 5 seconds, there had been no time. Time, oh damn you, Time! Let the world forget you, let you be forsaken. I'd abolish you from life, I'd make Present last forever and the future amiss. Time intented to soon take her away from me; Time intended to vanish her, the holy deity I worship.

I place my hand on her cheek, I feel that desirable skin. I move forward as I move my hand to her neck. I can feel the tension, she is taken by surprise. Her breath quickens, and so does the beat of my heart. I condone the night, I neglect all sane judgement in the earth. I'm seduced by the possibilities... I kiss those sweet lips; I taste divinity. No words, no Time, only silence and the sanctity. I am re-born, I am re-made, I am new...I am what I never was and would never be. I don't need anything else; my life has reached it's highest peak.

No...I'm only allowed to dream. I can do nothing but hallucinate, hope, think, speculate... For my sake, I am strong yet weak. Cold Reality won't let me be free, as always, envious of the accomplishments of Mind; prompted by rivalry. The goddess lays back, she says good night. I surrender, I will no longer be defiant. No more revolts, no more uprisings against Time. I'll withhold my desires. My love, only an illusion. I will desist, I will relinquish, I will put aside what I long for. It's the only way to keep you with me. It's the only way I can be safe. However, something still doesn't make sense. Somehow, I'm not fully convinced...
Thought brings doubt to my resolutions...

What if?...