BISEXUAL: 100% SERIOUS, 100% QUEER
Maryanne Bolalek

I’m queer, and that’s all you need to know.

That’s usually what I tell people when they ask, “are you a lesbian?” or “are you gay?” In truth, I’m bisexual, but I don’t like admitting that to people.
Sounds pretty dumb, right? But there are certain stereotypes that go with bisexuality, as with any other identity. The stereotype that I’ve encountered with bisexuality, though (especially concerning bisexual girls), is particularly damaging; it’s that a bi person is really not much more than a straight person who fiddles around with his or her friends of the same sex when he or she can, with absolutely no emotional involvement. A lot of people I know automatically associate “bisexual” with “teen: smoker, promiscuous, eye-makeup, pouty expression, disrespectful. Just a phase.”
That is what makes me reluctant to identify as being bi. I’ve heard bisexuals get scorned from both ends of the sexuality spectrum: many straight people think we’re just horny little teenagers who will do anything in a skirt or pants, while gay people are afraid that we’ll just toy with them, and then ditch them for a member of the opposite sex. I find that extremely sad.
Unfortunately, I’ve met the kind of people who give bisexuals a bad reputation. Just a few weeks ago at school, I heard one of the pouting-drinker-smoker girls say, “Oh, I’m bisexual when I’m drunk.”
I wanted to cry. That’s exactly the kind of statement that will give birth to the nasty stereotype that people are so willing to place on our shoulders. And I think that among bisexuals, there are a lot more of us who like both guys and girls whether we’re sober, drunk, sleeping, eating, or whatever, and don’t just fool around, than there are the type who only “experiment”. Most of the other bisexual people I’ve met do not go through partners like socks, do not drink or smoke all the time, do not have frequent orgies with all their friends. On the contrary, most of them have not dated people unless they were really in love with them, and then did so for a long time.

People are inclined not to take us seriously. Many seem to overlook, or just not realize, that” bisexual” means queer in the same way that “gay,” “lesbian,” or “transgender” means queer. A lot of people seem to think that bisexuality is just a phase, and that if a bisexual person settles down with someone of the opposite sex, the queer part of their person is gone forever. Again, I think this links back to the image of bisexual people just experimenting with same-sex love before “moving on” to a “real, heterosexual relationship.”

So, yes, I am bisexual. I suppose I’d go into a more definitive statement; “Yes, but I like (insert gender here) better,” or, “Yes, but I’m so close to being (insert “gay” or “straight” here) that it doesn’t much matter,” or, “Yes, but I’d say I’m about (insert percentage here) gay and (insert percentage here) straight.” I’d say any of those things if I wasn’t trying to get this point: people shouldn’t need to hear these things to take bisexuality seriously.
We should be able to say “bisexual” without having to worry that people will laugh or scorn or misunderstand. Instead, we should be able to say “bisexual” and be understood: as emotional beings, as serious people, as humans who love others not for their gender, but for who they are.